Nada, nada más

有個深夜，在曼谷的飯店醒來，未關的電視播著emmy the great的gabriel。

電視螢幕上的黑髮女孩emmy，一會認真的俯在桌上塗鴉，一會自己跟自己玩著指頭上的小娃娃，一會發呆一會東張西望，一會對畫著人臉的氣球彈吉他唱歌，一會偷看對街男孩，一會專心的喝水。音樂錄影帶最終emmy帶著一大串氣球走出戶外，讓氣球飛向天際，畫面又再跳回emmy的筆記本，剛所發生的一切，到底是真實還是想像，就只有emmy自己知道。

如艾蜜莉的異想世界風格般的色彩斑蘭的音樂錄影帶，我看著微笑了起來。

出生於香港後移居倫敦，原名Emma-Lee Moss的emmy的聲音其實算不上可愛清新或高亢，但有一種很少見的爽朗；跟她的長相一樣，算不上美麗青春，但有一種很吸引人的自然，聽她唱歌，看她彈吉他，就好像在草原上看一朵不知名的野花綻放，流露耳目一新的芬芳，灌溉了一天的好心情。她的歌曲也和她所散發出來的氣質一樣，大肆唱著一些無關緊要的小事情，對世界說即使別人覺得微不足道的想法。例如講述差點被男朋友搞大肚子的歌曲「We Almost Had A Baby」中那麼唱："I’m not the girl that you remember from the start, i was only a baby, now i am what you made me"；抱怨壞男人太多只好隨便嫁的「24」："I would love you if you told me there was something there to love, i would marry you for money, I would marry you for money or for luck"；寫完就剛好和男友分手的「first love」："You were stroking me like a pet, but you didn't own me yet, and the tape in the cassette deck was choking, Spat out a broken hallelujah...The original Leonard Cohen version"；唱分手之後痛到要命男友卻跑去消遙快活的「Canopies and Grapes」："I feel worse than when S Club 7 broke up....Then I'll call your house at twelve to let you know that I'm drunk, Say I'm sorry Mr C, I was just looking for your son. How are you, incidentally, do you know if he's out alone?"；還有暗戀心聲的「Gabriel」："oh Gabriel I wish that I could pick you up and fold you like a ribbon, I’d hold you always and in secret in the pockets of my clothes…"

每一首歌細膩瑣碎得不足以成為一個故事，但都是真實的生活畫面，偶爾猶豫，偶爾幸福，偶爾天真，偶爾聰明，偶爾靈氣逼人，偶爾任性，偶爾善解人意──反正呀，我不想做甚麼偉大的人，我只想好好過現在的生活，吃好吃的東西，穿美麗的衣裳，被我喜歡的人喜歡。這樣就好了。

對啊這樣就好了。我也好想好想這樣啊，但也許又如「24」裡那麼唱："first we were born then we ran slowly out of luck, you are still not Charles Bukowski and I am not Diane Cluck…" 。雖然emmy說當初那樣寫，是為了表現出兩個人在關係中多麼懶散，才會導致關係沒有好下場。但之於我的感想及經歷，很多看來可以信手拈來的東西，其實都在世界上最遙遠的距離以外，例如「被我喜歡的人喜歡」這種事，呵。

所以，如果不能這樣，那就不要想了。拿本小書戴上耳機，隨emmy一起唱：

I know my fate i do not mean to fight.

(雖然，我還是很想，被我喜歡的人喜歡呀。)

Emmy the Great - Gabriel

Emmy the Great - My Party Is Better Than Yours

I'm having a party but you're not invited
Pizza and fizzy-pop it's all so exciting
Sardines and musical chairs
What a shame that you're not here
But you're not my friend anymore
You've made your position quite clear from your
distance
What crime have I done that negates my existence?
Me and all of my other chums
Will sit and talk till the evening comes
Cos you're not our friend anymore
We'll have fezzek
And everyone leaves with a present
Kisses and hugs it's so pleasant
Peaceful, and I
I hate you, I hope that you die
I'm having a party and I hope that you know this
Spend Friday alone and pretend not to notice
All of the stupid things you've done
I know and I'm telling everyone
Cos you're not my best friend anymore
And tomorrow I will find a new friend
From the new friend shop
And my friend you are not
And I hate you as much as I miss you